2 Weeks Of Mental Decline

So, I ended my last blog post feeling pretty positive — hopeful, even — and genuinely excited for what April might bring. But here we are, it’s the 17th, and honestly… all that “I’m going to hold myself accountable” energy has completely flown out the window.

To cut five or six chaotic stories short, life basically turned upside down. I’ve had stuff going on with my pets, my car, my job — and of course, that all has a knock-on effect with finances too.

Normally (pets aside), I don’t dwell too much when life throws curveballs. I’m usually the type who lets things flow, trusts that it’ll all work out, and just rides the wave. That mindset has helped me stay mentally steady — I don’t typically spiral or let anxiety run the show when it comes to life problems. And to be honest, for the last three years, it’s always something — if it’s not my car, my pets, it’s work drama. I’ve gotten used to that kind of chaos.

But these past few weeks? It’s been different. I’ve been hit with one thing after another, and I’ve genuinely spiralled into some serious mental torture. And here’s the kicker — I realised it’s because I haven’t been eating my feelings.

That might sound strange, but without using food to numb everything out, I’ve actually had to sit with the stress and deal with life on life’s terms. No distractions. Just me, facing it all. And fuk me — it’s been overwhelming. Full-on emotional overload.

As for my Mounjaro journey — it hasn’t exactly fallen apart, but it also hasn’t been smooth sailing either. Physically, I’m still the same weight I was on March 31st, so there’s been no real change on the scales. But emotionally and mentally? I’ve been battling hard with that inner self-sabotage demon.

And I really want to talk about it, because honestly, I don’t see many people online sharing the mental side of this journey. It’s all happy, high-energy success stories — people talking about how their lives have completely transformed. But no one seems to speak about the internal struggles, and that’s been the hardest part for me.

My biggest challenge hasn’t been the food itself — it’s been my own old habits and mindset. Mounjaro quiets the food noise, yes, but now I’m on my second pen of 7.5mg, and I can’t quite tell if it’s me sabotaging myself or if my body is genuinely ready to move up to 10mg. The last week I haven’t eaten great — I even had fish and chips (which I didn’t enjoy at all), and I found myself buying cookies and crisps. I ate even when I was full, and it wasn’t out of hunger — it was that old “f**k it” mentality creeping back in. Almost like I was punishing myself the moment I realised I wasn’t getting that comfort I used to find in food.

But to cut another long story short — the fish and chips made me feel genuinely sick, and when I stepped on the scales and saw I hadn’t piled the weight back on, something clicked. That self-sabotage voice got quieter.

Today’s jab day (Thursday), and I’ve eaten well, moved my body a bit, and most importantly — I feel like my mindset is finally shifting back to wanting to be the healthiest version of me. The version I know I can be.

Mounjaro definitely makes it easier to make better food choices and track everything — no doubt about that. But what’s not easy is just suddenly switching into that mindset when, truthfully, you’ve never really looked after yourself before. I’ve had no solid routine, partly because of a chaotic upbringing and lifestyle, and then later because of shift work and everything else. So all of this — structure, self-care, conscious eating — feels completely foreign to me.

Like I said in my first blog, I spent the first few months messing around, trying to mentally catch up with what I was doing. Then I thought I’d found my rhythm… and then the last few weeks came along and knocked me completely off track again. 😂 It’s HARD!

But I’m not giving up. Mounjaro honestly feels like a little miracle for me — it quiets that constant food noise just enough to give me a fighting chance to make better decisions. But when your brain is wired to self-destruct every time you do something positive? Yeah, it’s not exactly smooth sailing.

I really do hope that the longer I stay on this journey, the more natural it starts to feel — that I can build habits that actually stick, and that I learn to cope with life’s crap without turning to emotional eating. These last few weeks have really shone a light on just how much work I still have to do with my relationship with food. I knew it was there, but wow… it’s been loud and clear lately. And I’m serious — I want to break these horrible habits. For good.

It’s still a bit scary knowing I’m about to move up to the 10mg soon — only two doses away from the 15mg — and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about becoming immune to it. But that’s a post for another day.

I’ll leave this one here for now. 💬